I was searching for a topic that might interest some of ye bloggers out there to whip up some thoughts on–large or small–as a guest post on Laughter over Tears. Glen of Scenic Writer’s Shack blogged this on his own, and besides being wonderfully poignant and also subtly comical, it seemed like the perfect subject matter for some of you writers and experiencers out there to expound on. Please enjoy Glen’s artful entry, and don’t be surprised if I show up at your door one day soon, hat in hand….asking you to recall YOUR first love… even if it’s one paragraph….
unless you approach me first, of course, which is wholly welcome also!
This is not a film review of the movie ENDLESS LOVE (1981). Though it almost could be. This post is intended as a personal memoir of sorts of myENDLESS LOVE. My first love. I’ve been wanting to tell this – for me – magical story for some time now; before it faded from memory altogether. It’s probably already forty years too late.
In a lot of ways, the events and feelings connected with the story, to borrow an ancient chestnut of a phrase, feel like they all took place only yesterday. Five seconds ago, actually. Seen from another tack, it all feels by now so long ago I sometimes whether any of it really happened at all. Time makes a mockery of memory, afterall. But your first love is something you never forget. Not really. Not this first love anyway.
Details are what make a story. I know that…
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Laughter Over Tears 
Thank you so much Stacey.
A re-blog really is the ultimate compliment.
You have absolutely made my day.
Let’s see if anyone else wants to bite and share their ‘first love’ stories.
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My pleasure! The topic DOES bring the memories and feelings rushing back, and you take us with you down all the thought processes on a bittersweet, nostalgic run. Everyone can surely relate, on some level, even if it was just a crush and they never spoke to the person……
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Love makes the world go round, as they say. I suppose it’s the most important part of human existence. Without love, a person is awfully lost.
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You are spot on with your last sentence…..who knew the forest would be so large?
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Yeah, like they say, “Better to have love and lost….”
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You open up a fine kettle of fish! What’s that they say about memory? You can only remember what you last remembered of a memory. It’s like a Xerox copy of another copy. After numerous generations, you begin to see the wear and tear, the fading from the original! What was that experience really like, fresh and brand new? Ah, now that is what makes for a lot of the magic to it–it was so fresh and new. All sorts of things done for the first time leave an impression and perhaps are fondly recollected. Maybe it was the feeling of a rush of hormones and emotions that overwhelmed you more than anything else. Or, maybe that person really was super special. If it was your first crush, then we can just about assume as much. People can be pretty special. Hmm, my earliest memory? I think I recall a first grade kiss. It was like a Charlie Brown moment. It’s too far back to recall clearly. But she was a nice and sweet girl and I was a nice and sweet boy. I don’t think we ever spoke or saw each other again after that kiss on the playgroud! I think it was too embarrassing and it was easy enough for us to avoid each other! My first experience in how fleeting love can be.
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Haha. That’s a good one too, the fleeting nature of love. I love it, your “first grade Charlie Brown” moment. But too bad you guys were embarrassed afterwards, haha. Only normal, I guess. 🙂
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Yeah, that’s all I remember. It’s not like we were going to date.
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That is a great topic to write about. I will have to ponder my memories of my first love.
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Me too. I think I know, though. I was a late bloomer. I didn’t really have any “strong” feelings for anyone until WAY later. Almost embarrassing to say how late, hahaha…
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Jacqueline Harvey, when I was eight years. Something beyond words drew us together in the school playground, and we kissed like an atomic explosion, like the sweetest bonbon. She dumped me within a week or so, but had bestowed me with the heady, floating experience of pure first love. I had to wait more than a decade before the emotion recurred, by which time testosterone was firmly at the wheel.
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Awww. I wish I’d been normal like that and had those early experiences. But I only remember taking some of my clothes off in the field behind our house with the boy across the street when I was around 7 or 8. Just out of curiosity about bodies. I don’t remember having any feelings toward him !!! I would have liked a kiss like an atomic explosion, Kev, instead of my loose, hippie-like experiences, lol….
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Most people I know wish their love lives could have taken a different shape Stacey. If only x or y had happened. I’m certainly in that group. But it was as it was. And the grass is often just as green on our side of the divide, I think!
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True, true. But between your sweet bonbon and Glen’s first pick to revisit in a time machine, it’s hard not to be jealous. But I do have some green on my side of the fence, as you say, so I’ll just focus on that. 🙂
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First time the magic of love, come into me, is quite a story worth to be written, but briefly I was on my last year of High School, and was with a girl about two years older than me, she had lost two years going to study abroad, and she landed on my classroom at High School, I already knew her, she lived in the neighborhood about three blocks away, actually the first time I remember her, mother left my brother and myself into a child’s birthday party acquittance, she was a neighbor of the boy, but I was about four, or five years of age and my brother about her age, we had never being left alone, at a stranger home at the time, and my brother panicked and start to cry, this girl come riding a bicycle, get off, and start yelling at my brother, saying something like: “What a cry baby, you turn out to be, you should be ashamed of yourself you are too old for that!”
She was right, but her brazenness infuriated me, at ridiculing my brother, and quickly I landed a blow to her face, I think I got her on one, of her eyes, and of course she went away crying.
And I said something like: “Who is crying now?”
Needless to say she took a dislike to me, and if by chance she will run into me, it always was an opportunity for her to say something nasty to me. By that time, I knew better, not to hit a girl, or rebuke her, I just ignored her, and will say nothing back. But since she was two years ahead of me, at school was not an everyday thing, and she did not figured on my radar, at all at the time, despite, not the few incidents, were she showed her dislike about me.
But then because she have lost those two years at school, she landed at my classroom…I thought she had forgot about the incident, and the first year was mostly uneventful, except I knew she did not liked me but… the second year, well that was a quiet, and undeclared war against me, and done with such a skill on her part, that taught me the meaning of the cliché phrase “Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.” And how we men are dunces, regarding women ingenuity, and cunning. She played with me, like a cat with a mouse.
My first love was not an easy one.
And I will leave it at that. 🤦♂️💖😊
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Oh, no. Yeah, you need go no further. I can imagine VERY well what she did, Burning Heart! Ooof!
Admittedly, I’ve done the same one or two times, but on a lesser level, but still in the arena of “remembering” and holding grudges one would have thought were long forgotten, lol !! A boy said I had “witch hair” when we were in the sixth grade. When we ran into each other a few years after high school and he asked me out, I pleasantly declined, making up some excuse. But it was because I still had a grudge against the “witch hair” remark !!!
I hope your first love didn’t let the torture linger on TOO long, Burning Heart.
I feel for you!
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Well, what can I say? Don’t we all remember sweetly our first love?
The story it’s very long, her hostile hidden behavior against me kept going for the whole school year, on a daily basis, I guess she did not had much to do but planning her next scheme against me, never did anything against her, except almost to the end of the year, when she blatantly provoked me into explaining why was the only one who did not rise my hand in approbation, at her plan to celebrate our graduation from High School.
She spent an hour at each of the four classrooms exposing her plan to all the four classrooms, she left ours for the last hour. After she did, everybody raised their hand in approbation except me, and of course she was the only one to notice it, and she said in order to embarrass me: “Now, those who are not in accordance raise their hand.”
I sat way on the back, and really no one noticed except her, that I did not raise my hand.
“Wait, wait, there’s one person who did not raise his hand, obviously he is not in accordance.”
The rest of the classroom just say, it was not important, the plan was approved by everyone, including the other three classroom one vote against meant nothing, but one, let’s go it’s time to leave for home. It was at the end of the day.
And looking at me directly she challenged me “No, no, he needs to tell us why he doesn’t approve, let him raise his hand. So brazing myself for the disapproval I did, of course a lot of them boo me.
To further humiliate me hypocritically, she said: “No, no classmates, do not behave that way, let himself explain why he is against the plan?”
I even give her the chance to leave it at that, saying: “Well, what can I say? You all approved it, I just did not.”
But she was not happy with that, and she added: Well, here it’s your chance to explain the classroom why you did not like the plan:”
Everybody yelled: “Let’s go, why waste our time?”
But she said. “No, no, let him tell us why he is not in accord!”
So standing up I said: “Well I will tell you, if you all wish!”
And I spoke with the eloquence of a Cicero!
By the end of my speech, all my fellow classmates started having second thoughts about the plan, we ended arguing, and more and more classmates joined me arguing against her plan.
We had to vote again and you can guess it.
I won.
Even if the other classroom who voted in favor, there was the problem of the money needed for the event, and us being the largest classroom, the money for her plan will be short, so a new reunion at the amphitheater at the school was scheduled with all four classrooms, she will be the speaker of her plan I will debate her, well to make a story short I beat her! 😉
You just can imagine her feelings towards me after.
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Haha. She couldn’t beat you! What’s very strange is how the event that angered her was from when you were much younger and you were ALSO protecting your young brother. She should have had respect for you, not anger. It sort of shows her inner being: possibly a very petty person.
I guess it’s the same for me and my grudge, except the insult was against me directly and personally, and for no reason. This boy and I weren’t enemies. I could have put it aside years later when I was 19 or 20 and not 11 anymore, but I guess I felt like a guy like that who called girls names had that at his core, probably hadn’t changed all that much, and I didn’t wanna hang out with someone like that.
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Well, in all honesty, things were kind of more complex, due to several factors, I should have mentioned first, the whole thing was a complete “disaster”, from the Italian and Latin word which means “an ill fated star” both we were pretty young, meaning immature, and both we were proud, she was far more stubborn than I was, but I was not old enough to know better, as to try to win a game of guile, with such a woman. I mean women’s lib was raging at that time, in America, but in my country a woman to be outspoken, and direct, was not even in its infancy, but she did not lack cunning, guile, an deviousness, in order to achieve her intended goal, I mean, if would have being a game of tennis my racquet would never be able to hit the ball, back at her court, even on that occasion, she was the one who forced me to speak, against my will!
She just didn’t knew my reasons will beat hers, and honestly I believe despite her losing the game at that time, and being furious against me, she also saw who really I was, a thing I believe she already knew somehow, for her many failed attempts to bend me backwards, as she did, with a lot of my closest friends, who were kissing the soles of her shoes. And that gave her information about me, always painting me with a bad image, you may know well, young people at that age, they love to play cruel heavy jokes on friends, and they were having fun at my expense, at seeing all the stuff, she was throwing at me.
They knew what was going on between us, and they were having fun with it, kids, will be kids, friends or not, my problems were not their problem, but something to comment on, and laugh at it, kids can be cruel that way.
They still do when we talk about it.
That’s why even nowadays I find out what she said about me, every time she runs into one of them, and my name comes up.
That’s why I know she loved me, but that I already knew on those days.
I just lacked the maturity at the time to go and look for her, and talk, I guess she interpreted my immaturity, as that I did not care about her. And then about three years later she ran into me by chance, or fate, in the company of a woman, traveling with me, at a train station, although she was already married, and with a child, the occasion was very dramatic.
Just too long a story, to talk about it. But if anything that chance encounter confirmed she loved me, as I did her.
As I told you in the beginning, the whole thing was an ill fated star affair.
But she was the first woman in my life who made my heart beat faster, and bleed with pain. Throughout my life I had suffered from other love failures and heartache, just like everybody else.
I keep a nice picture of her, from the time we were together in high school, I found on the album from our generation, an album that an ex of mine threw away, years ago, but found on the internet. Once in a while I look at her picture.
Maybe we will meet again in Heaven, in better circumstances, God willing…
I shouldn’t be bothering you with all these, but somehow is nice, and sweet to remember those things, and tell somebody, thanks for your patience. 🙂
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There is no patience required at all, Burning Heart, reading your bittersweet tale. Thank you for sharing more details, actually. I’m sure Glen, the inspiration for all of our talk, can completely relate to the experience of such intense emotions toward someone.
I gotcha. So it was a mutual, unrequited love, and only timing and possibly a slight age difference kept you two from being together.
Oh, boy….that is the kind of story made for the movies! Except in the movies, you guys would end up together, of course, maybe right at the very end. A movie that is “sort” of like that was “Made In Heaven” from the ’80s with Timothy Hutton of “Ordinary People” fame and Kelly McGillis of “Witness” fame.
I bring it up because of what you said at the end: maybe you’ll meet in heaven one day. It was sort of the same for these two, except they “met” in heaven first, and then Timothy Hutton spends the next 30 years after being born trying to find her again….
So thank you for your story, and feel free to expound more. Especially about the “dramatic” situation upon meeting her again once she was married and already had a child! 🙂
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Well, I am glad I am not annoying you with it, you never know how many other people may receive puppy love stories, there’s so much insensitivity going around, and so little time to spend reading long messages online, who suppose to be brief, and to the point, rather than long explanations of such things as feelings, and love, and a failed one at it, so long time ago, and from two total strangers. I imagine few people would care to listen to, even worst to read about it.
I did not go to the more modest graduation ball, four our generation, 1970 and I guess she possibly was disappointed at not to see me there, if only to have a chance to try to launch another attack on me. But run into her at a private party at my nephew’s home, He is my nephew but more like a cousin, since we are from the same age, he was my best friend, and she took on her self, to come in between our friendship, as she did with many others, they will visit me incognito, parking their cars away from my home, or late at night, Imagine!
In all honesty my friends were having it both ways, they took dancing lessons with her, and the girls at my classroom, and they will visit me late at night home, or at places around town, unlikely to be found by her, or any other person who may go and snitch on us.
But at that party my friends started to drink early, and were pretty tipsy by the time the girls showed at the party, as soon as the guys saw the group of girls coming all dressed up, and pretty, looking like an expensive gift, my friends at seeing them they just took them to the dance floor, my nephew dancing with her, well sort of, through their dance, she keep pushing him away, and her eyes were locked up on me, I had just arrived a few minutes before the girls, and totally sober, my friends were happy but drunk.
And she looked at me like it was my fault, excuse me to tell you that my friends would misinformed her, just to confirm her worst ideas about me. Happy later to tell me in what bad light she saw me!
I quietly went and sat away, and feeling I was all by myself, saw no point to stay, and left the party, and walked home, on the way a car almost run me over, but I jumped on time to avoid the hit, it was dark and could not see the car well, but strangely it looked like her car, but I cannot swore by it.
I did not see her after for quite some time.
At the end of the Summer I went away for College, a girl from my town told me some months later, that a group of girls were spying on me, and gave a report to her of my activities, specially if I had a relationship with any of the girls at college, which I really did not, but girls will invite me to all sort of reunions, and parties I went to a few, too busy at the time with my studies to care about getting a girlfriend.
Then my father recalled me home, he was having problems to pay for my tuition and just say to me I will have to go to a public State college, but I lost the semester, and had to wait half a year to start anew at a far away State, near the border, and my life changed dramatically, after I left to that new place where I now call home, and come back after retirement, after over thirty one years living and working on LA, my hometown if still love it it’s today a place of my youthful memories, I have being there on a few occasions, just as a visitor, but not even a member of my close family live there, my parents moved as well, all my brothers and sister left as well, around 1976.
But I run into her some time in 1973, or 74? Somewhere on Easter Holidays at my hometown train station, a lady friend of mine at the time, wanted to go to a town near Mexico city for some business, and fun, and took me along with her, I suggested the bus, but she said, no let’s take the train it’s a very long trip of two days to be in a bus, the train will be more comfortable, even if it will takes us longer almost twelve hours longer.
So we took the train, now by a strange twist of fate my brother, and some friends from our town took their Easter week College break by going home. In the same train we were coming from further North, despite they took another car wagon in the train, but they saw us going through the train looking for the diner room, and who they find there, but me and my new girlfriend, by the way a lady a few years older than me, and already divorced. I was not happy with it, because I knew my parents will hear about it, and will not be happy knowing their son just went by home but did not stop to say hello, and then the business of my older girlfriend, people in Mexico are, or were more conservative on those issues, at least at the time.
Anyway on their way back from diner they stop again, and my brother asked me for help at unloading his bags, an aunt from us had sent mother a lot of stuff, and my brother was as usually the anxious type, he may not be able to have enough time to do it.
As a matter of fact the train stop at my town and stay there for over an hour, since it’s the place where it’s refueled, cleaned, and took new provisions. He did not know that, neither myself, and as a dutiful brother I went to help him when we arrived somewhere around 9AM. The next day.
Now a younger sister of my love torment, had a boyfriend who was part of my brother’s party at the train, and she was there with her sister and newborn child, to pick him to receive him, I did not know that at the time, and an old friend of mine who I haven’t seeing since I left High School saw me (He was there with the welcoming party to receive my brother’s friends) and hold me from my arm at the same time he yelled my name aloud, as I turn to face him who I see there, but my torment standing right in front of me, but with her back to me holding her child!
At listening my name, that it’s pretty unique, that I had inherit from my Father, and Grandfather I saw the back of her neck curls, as close to my face, that I could see goosebumps rise, and her ears turn to red, but she stood firm, and did not turn her face to see me, but of course could hear all our conversation that I had with my friend, until I excused myself and told him I got to take care of business.
So I went and helped my brother, and said hello to several of the welcoming party, and returned to the train when everybody was gone. The train platform stood empty for a while, and waited reading, but suddenly raising my eyes from the book, I saw her! She was back, minus her child, and the crowd all alone, and she went looking at each window until she got to our window, and stood there watching both of us.
I had not mentioned to my girlfriend about my encounter with my torment, she did not knew anything about her.
But she was right there, in front of us staring at us and not moving, my girlfriend somewhat alarmed. She said: “Who the hell is this woman who ‘s staring at us?”
I did not know what to say, fortunately in about a minute, or two, the train whistle blew, and the train started moving so very slowly, she followed us, until the train left the platform, and she was out of sight.
My girlfriend wanted to know who she was, so I told her the whole story. Of course that took some time.
She softened, and said: “Poor woman, she is in love with you, she now lives in hell because of you!”
And if I had any doubts she loved me, well I knew that day better, and was no consolation to me either.
On my infrequent visits before my parents moved I saw her maybe a couple of times but briefly, and from afar.
From time to time I get news from her by friends who run into her and my name comes into the conversation. And the only way we get infrequent news about each other. It was an ill fated star all along, that kept us apart.
I surely keep warm, and nice memories of her.
Last year I planned a trip, but then the pandemic hit us.
Sometimes I even think of meeting her, and apologize, for my part, and behavior, at the time.
Maybe one day, hopefully I will, and close the page properly.
Who knows, God wiling.
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If Glen, our “first love” inspiration, is following this, I’m sure he’d feel very satisfied as the catalyst who has yanked these memories from you, Burning Heart!
That really WAS a dramatic encounter.
First–the car that almost ran you over–I wonder if that WAS her. That’s kind of funny and terrifying at the same time.
But the train station….wow.
It definitely takes a LOT of self-control to be standing right next to someone and never turn around, and you’re watching the back of her ears turn red.
I wonder what moved her to find your train window and then just stand there staring in? I mean, that really would be considered, in most psychology circles, unbalanced behavior! But at least your girlfriend at the time understood and not only wasn’t angry but felt compassion toward your nemesis.
The more I hear about this story, the more and more I think it would make a great movie. It would be a thriller, of course, with decades-long simmering sexual tension. Maybe a new kind of “Fatal Attraction,” like considering the near-car murder (if it was her car, lol) and the fact that you’ve been spied on and had the reports go back to her over the years….
Fascinating!
The book could be called, in bold letters, “UNREQUITED.”
All joking aside, you guys really do have a super intense energy between you. I hope you do get to, one day, have some words with her and obtain some peaceful closure.
BTW: forgive my lack of understanding, but where did you grow up? For some weird reason I thought Italy. But I think I might be completely wrong……….?!
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The events I describe are quite old, we are talking over fifty years now, and they happen on a beach city on the Pacific Coast in Mexico, certain details even if believe I remember well, may not be as exactly as I remember them, I mean certain things are very vivid, but others not so, like the car thing, she had a light yellow color car, and I remember she yelled: “Stupid!” at me, but she did not stop,
No, she did not intent to kill me, just the circumstances were such, as to provoke an unfortunate accident, she made a left turn into the street I just taken, and she did not see me properly because the short distance, and the fact she was going a little bit too fast, probably she was as shocked as I was, to see me appear suddenly jumping out of her way, there was no lights except by the ones on her car, although I remember her yelling something as: “Stupid!” But after she passed me. And the reason I suspect it was her. So let’s say I am 90% sure it was her.
Adding that she lived near me, about two blocks away parallel to me, but streets in my town are very narrow, and one way only, she could not turn at her street to go home, since traffic flows on the other direction, and my street the only choice she had to go home, and turn at my home corner in order to go to get to her place.
Also figure that after finding my friends already drunk, and me not in the party already, decided to leave the party and go home, maybe she did not intend to look for me, just another unfortunate chance encounter, of which we had a lot meanwhile I lived there, it was a small place on those days, and you will run into each other easily, for good, or worst.
I guess at the train station, she did not want to reveal to all, her shock, especially to her sister, and many common friends we had at the station that day, and that was the reason she did not turn around an dared to look at me, plus my name possibly sound like a thunder to her, after years from knowing little about me.
Not only her ears turned red, but I could clearly see goosebumps, and hair curls rising on her neck! That I remember very well! As to why she left her child, and the party of people she was with, at the train station, and turned around by herself, no one could be more surprised than myself!
I could not find any other explanation. She really was in love with me. No doubt she heard right away from her sister’s boyfriend, an old friend of mine, about the fact I was traveling with a beautiful woman, around thirty years of age, me about twenty, or twenty-one, and was not stopping at our town. Her feminine curiosity, with her impetuous character, did the rest. At the time I was glad the train station it’s not too close from the town, otherwise she would make the scene more embarrassing, for me and my companion, she was on time just to catch us before the train left, it seemed long to me because my girlfriend was upset peppering me with questions, but possibly it was just no more than three, or four minutes, before the train took us away.
Another comment from my girlfriend was: “The intensity of the way she was looking at us, boy she was upset!”
But tell you what, remembering all those things, put me on a new quest, I will try to inquire and find her phone number, and just call her! And see what she has to tell me? Although I really want to do it face, to face, what do you think?
Or is it better to leave the old memories rest in peace, and obey the dictum: “Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus.”
After all, it was over fifty years…And believe me we had so many petty altercations, and bad encounters since I first met her, and hit her on the eye, all the way until my last year visiting my parents in 1975. I was there hoping to find a job, and stayed about six months, I did work on a couple of jobs, but nothing really good. When she saw me kissing a girl on a sidewalk, I remembered her about two years younger than myself at my same school, she was very pretty, and now she was a woman, we danced at someone’s birthday party, and, I was surprised she was all over me, after hearing me saying I may be leaving town soon, because I couldn’t find a decent job, she ask me right away to take her with me when going back to where I did my studies, and told her I couldn’t do that, I mean I really liked the girl, but without even a job did not wanted to take the chance, she menaced me with running away with a young boyfriend, of hers, I thought she was just trying to force me to say yes, to her plan of absconding with me, and finding from my sister, a couple of days later, the news in fact she run away with him the day before! I was so much in shock, that I left the same evening!
Did not find until much later, soon they caught them, the day after. My sister couldn’t explain later after I left why this girl kept calling our house asking for me! She was not aware I knew her and we already were meeting before she went to college early in the morning. She took the bus a block away from home, and that’s where my nemesis caught me kissing her, I am telling you the town was too small for us not to run into each other!
But of course in her eyes, after so many unfortunate events, and troubles I was already for her, an irredeemable scoundrel, bent on pissing her off at any occasion. She did not bother me at that occasion, after I saw her looking at us, she just turned her face away in disgust, and drove off.
Well she was already married to a Navy officer, and had her child, I hear she has four, or five now.
My parents moved to a different city the following year, (1976) and my reasons to visit diminished, yes I could write a book, and definitely, her own version of events may add a lot more juice to the story!
What about a title like: “Face to face with my old Nemesis.” 😉
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I would read that book, Burning Heart! I’m telling you, your story is like a cross between “Made in Heaven” where Timothy Hutton spend 30 years trying to get together and “When Harry Met Sally,” except that you weren’t friends with your lady; you guys were frenemies, but you were platonic like Harry and Sally until they finally, years later, got together.
Okay, Mexico. I gotcha. I have two co-workers from Mexico. They work in the Spanish division of our captioning company. If I hadn’t let my Spanish get away from me, I’d be bilingual too. But of course, without practice, one forgets, so I’m terribly rusty now. I can still understand people if they don’t speak too quickly.
Yeah, feminine curiosity. I gotcha.
I wonder what you should do.
I contacted an old boyfriend about 11 years ago ’cause he was on my mind for some reason. I thought we’d been close enough that an email from me saying howdy would be welcome. But evidently, he was STILL bitter about our breakup and was very curt with me. So that was the end of that.
You guys were never together, so you don’t have that hanging over you, so maybe YOUR curiosity (unlike mine) would turn out to be much more satisfying. All I’m left with is a bad taste in my mouth and the thought that I shouldn’t have bothered.
But like I said, it’s different for you, so maybe if you contact her….it’ll just be pleasant and a nice catharsis. I guess it depends on how strong the urge is. And what your instincts ultimately tell you! I guess if my instincts were operating properly, I would not have contacted my ex. But I guess MY feminine curiosity got the best of me, wondering how he was and what he was doing.
I can’t say that I wouldn’t be “hoping” you’d give her a call….
and then update me/us here…..on what happened, lol !!
But don’t let me twist your arm!
🙂 🙂
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Well, first I would have to get the number, and that on itself will be a challenge, it’s not like in the old days when you just looked at the phone book.
Now everybody has his personal phone.
First I have to ask a friend, to contact another friend, to see if this person has her number, and it’s willing to pass to my friend, he may have it, or not?
With exes you never know, I have three, and almost never talk to them, I got their phone numbers, one of them she took away two children away with her, I did not knew where she went, and did not hear from her since 1985 until a year ago!
She had trouble to find me, and she did it because one of my children insisted, and he did the search, somehow typing my name in Facebook he found an acquaintance of mine, who lives in LA and they contact her, I do not have Facebook, and she did not have my phone number, it took her to come and visit the town where I am living now, to give me the message, months after!
At first I did not knew what she was talking about it, a woman wanting to talk to me, somehow figured it was some old acquaintance from LA, until she show me her Facebook account, I couldn’t believe it after 35 years!
Well, I contacted them, immediately, now I call my sons once in a while, like yesterday it was the birthday of one of them.
The Mother I spoke to her twice, and she called me once, I guess she was drunk, and was not very nice, I did not say much, I just hang up the phone, she called next day to apologize, but I have not call her since, just my boys. “In vino veritas” says the old Roman phrase, and figure she feels that way about me, no sense to talk to her.
Another one, she has no choice but to call me when she needs money, I help her, but as you imagine do not call her if its not absolutely necessary for me to talk about one of our children’s.
She lives in town.
The last one she lives in LA she got mad with me because I did not want to get married, and she put my stuff out her door, I try to make peace with her, but she wouldn’t budge, she used to call me almost daily, then she stop, about two years later she called me to inform me she was getting marry, I congratulate her and did not hear from her in years.
Then one day out of the blue she called me and invited me to lunch, she said she just wanted to apologize to me for all, she had divorced the guy and told me marrying that guy was her worst mistake ever!
And that was it, we rarely talked after, and since I moved she has not my phone, and somehow I have not called her, maybe I should, just to be polite?
I guess there is a reason why they are exes…
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Glen, Glen, if you’re reading this….what about YOU? Did you ever hear from/find the girl from your first love days ever again………? Hmm………….
Holy cow! It’s complete chaos at my job and I haven’t had time to do much of anything outside of that insane asylum, but I’m glad to finally be getting back to you!
You know, I guess one can say the past IS the past, so leave it alone. Ultimately, I don’t blame my ex for being cold with me when I contacted him. That’s sort of like giving up a baby for adoption, then there’s a knock on your door 20 years later and the kid found you and you’re going, “Uh….” All sorts of conflicting emotions are involved with people from the past, especially ones we haven’t thought of for decades.
Like it’s a question mark about what you should do with the woman who was mad that you didn’t get married. Call her? Not call her? Maybe if the last conversation ended on an up note, you guys can just leave it there? She apologized to you and admitted she’d made a mistake and maybe realized she was in love with the idea of being married, ’cause once you’re married you find out that it’s a job, like anything else. Ups and downs, highs and lows, a lot of work and a LOT of compromise. I think only with time do things even out and one slides into a kind of “calm” space where the friction and battles and good times prove, ultimately, that they’re worth it, albeit in a very quiet, subtle way.
So……..yeah. How would you find her number? At least three people from my past, two from 30 years ago, one from 20 years ago, found me through Facebook! These weren’t ex-boyfriends, just old friends, so it was really nice! (Well, except for the one where, once we were “friends” on FB, I saw some of his posts and realized he was sort of a white supremacist, at the worst, and at the very least, an extremely conservative “I live in a protected bubble and therefore have no need to care about the desires and/or perceptions of anybody else” entitled asshole. So THAT re-connection went nowhere fast, lol). But the other two were nice.
But finding exes again…. always problematic. What’s your knee-jerk reaction? Like, if you found her number today, would you call or not call? If it’s immediately yes, then……. we’re all waiting for the outcome !!! 🙂 🙂
And my feeling is that Glen never had another encounter and would not look his girl up today, since he’s married and has kids. One would have to ask themself, “Why am I doing this?” Like, I’m married and looked my ex up, and in the end, that was probably dumb. What was I expecting? A pleasant conversation, a howdy-do, and then a nice ciao at the end? Yes. Let him know that he wasn’t forgotten? And maybe find out I wasn’t forgotten? (which I did find out, but not in a positive way, since he’s still holding a grudge). Just because we break up with people doesn’t mean they cease to exist. But wanting to reconnect may just be sentimental nostalgia that’s a complete illusion, or even worse, just all ego. I think a lot of people DO want to just forget the past, as if it never existed. And maybe they’re right………? Or they see it and remember it for what it was, leave it where it is, and maybe they’re the more mature adults for doing that? Now I’m confused. 🙂
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I’ll make the comparison to reacquainting yourself with old friends.
I’ve found the couple of times my paths have crossed like that, in some ways the connection is still there (the chemistry is still there) but in a weird contradictory sort of way a tiny bit of me is disappointed it’s still there because that means I haven’t changed from the person I was back then and maybe I’d thought I’d had changed and wanted to think I’d moved away from some aspects of the person I was and experienced what the gurus call ‘growth’. But I reckon in many ways I’m still attracted to the same qualities in others I was as when I was 10 years old.
I now mostly believe the essence of people doesn’t really change. We just grow more into who we really are. That theory can be a little bit of a downer I guess if you dwell on it for too long. It’s all so deep, I can feel a little headache starting to form around my temples. I’m gonna go and drink some freshly squeezed lemon juice and see if that helps. lol
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I guess we are all different, and our reactions will be according to our experiences, and nature, we cannot control how others may react, that’s for sure, and there are the people who never care to look back.
However they say with age comes wisdom, and a certain curiosity to find about the other, like my children, one was looking for me, the other did not seem to care as much.
Exes, each case it’s different, and totally unpredictable, my last ex I thought at the time we will be back together, since we shared many things in common, or so I thought, because we liked the same things, but after meeting her, she mentioned we did not have too many things in common, she was talking specifically at our backgrounds, not to our likes and dislikes, I realize she was right, but to me that was not as important as to that we click when coming to the activities we liked to do, and we shared the same temperament, do not remember ever arguing, at least as much as I did with the other exes, our arguments were almost not existent, but every head it’s a different world as they say, maybe our relationship was too quiet, and needed some fire, go figure?
The funny thing today I think more about that first one, my Nemesis, than the rest of them, I know it’s silly and not even a fantasy, but a wonder at what could it have been, and never was…
I am sure just seeing her will be a total let down, even maybe childish, after all that was what we were at the time, but, if in some way we could travel back on time, that is the place I will like to go back, alas! 🙂
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I think I agree, Glen. It’s like there’s branches of our personality radiating out that grow and change over time, but our core trunk remains firm. I think our inner makings, who we are, undergoes tweaks and polishes and twerks and finessing but doesn’t change in any dramatic way.
BUT… you may be being hard on yourself when you’re disappointed to still “attracted” to certain people even after a long time, because that may just be chemistry, qualities, like you said, that simply are vibrating in tandem with your vibrations. You can’t help that, you know, like a connection is a connection and it’s not necessarily a negative thing.
Because, really, if I think back to LOTS of people, I know I’d have nothing in common with them anymore, would not be interested in talking to them anymore (and probably vice versa, for them), and in those cases, I HAVE changed. And you probably have too.
I’m sure the lemon juice was a big help, though, lol !!!
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Stacey, if ever you decide to go into private practice as a fee-charging psychologist, I’d like to sign up as one of your first patients. You are so frequently right on the money in your appraisals of people, situations and the human condition generally. The way you gently eased that long lost story from ‘Burning Heart’ was sheer therapeutic poetry in motion btw.
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Haha, aw, thanks. That’s reassuring! ‘Cause not always sure I’m making sense, you know?
As for Burning Heart, ooh boy….I wonder what he’s gonna do………?! You definitely opened that door wide open, and in came the memories for us all….
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The flood-gates really did open with ‘ol Burning Heart didn’t they.
We all rode that wave together I reckon, with you balancing things out masterfully at the front of the board.
What a ride!
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I think we might get an update, eventually, about the unrequited love and the present-day phone call…
at least I’m hoping.
Gotta get my excitement somewhere, you see.
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PS: Thank you, btw, for your compliments. 🙂
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